This page lists quotes said by Cranky Kong throughout the entire Donkey Kong series.

Donkey Kong Country


  • "Well, well! I didn't expect to see YOU today!"
  • "You're doing pretty good to get this far..."
  • "So you found me, did ya?! What do you want?!"
  • "Who told you I was here? Was it that obnoxious Funky Kong?"
  • "Well, well! Look what the cat dragged in!"
  • "Haven't seen you in this neck of the woods in a long time!"
  • "What do you want, eh? I'm a busy ape, I am!"
  • "Ahh! At last! Somebody to chat with!"
  • "You're lucky you caught me, I was just heading out."
  • "Have you brought back those bananas I loaned you?"
  • "Last time I saw you, you were wearing diapers!"
  • "Come over here and let me have a look at you!"
  • "Well looky what we have here!"
  • "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?!"
  • "A whole mob of Kremlings just passed through!"
  • "This here's rhino country!"
  • "Hey boy! Can you believe the shack they stuck me in?!"
  • "Hey boy! Did you fetch me my paper?!"
  • "You big ape! I could hear you coming from miles away!"
  • "It's hard to find peace and quiet any more, with you around!"
  • "Sure, come on over! Beats talking to myself..."
  • "Ahh! It sorta takes me back, seeing you here!"
  • "Boy, this place has been busy lately! What with all the Kremlings, and now you!"
  • "Sure looks like I'm Mr. Popular today, yes siree!"
  • "Sure beats a visit from Mrs. Kong! How can I help you?"
  • "Fancy running into you two way out here!"
  • "I ain't got nothing left, so don't even ask."
  • "I just gave my last barrel to that orangutan buddy of yours."
  • "What in tarnation do you want?"
  • "More freeloaders?!"
  • "Well I ain't got nothin' for ya, so scram!"
  • "Betcha won't get much further than this..."

Beta quotes

Donkey Kong only

  • "Donkey boy! Where's Diddy?"
  • "Donkey, you young whippersnapper! Long time no see!"
  • "Donkey boy! It seems like years since we last met!"

Grandpa Greetings

  • "It's about time you visited your frail, old Grandpa!"
  • "Hey! Can you spare your old pappy a banana?"
  • "And what have you brought for your old Grandpa?"
  • "Well, you've amazed your old Grandpa by getting this far!"
  • "So, you've finally come to get some game play advice from your old Grandpa!"

Diddy Kong only

  • "Diddy boy! Where's Donks?"
  • "Diddy, you young pup! Boy, I can't believe how much you've grown."

Level Tips

Animal Buddy Tips

  • "Keep your eyes peeled for Rambi the rhino! He can crash into almost any hidden room."
  • "He can't really fly, but Expresso the ostrich can flutter about."
  • "Enguarde the swordfish will help you get straight to the point!"
  • "Rambi the rhino can help you, but he'll want to charge for it!"

General Tips

  • "I hear if you roll off a platform, and press the jump button, you'll do a super jump."
  • "Someone told me that if you hold down the Y Button, you can run!"
  • "I read in the manual that you can jump farther if you hold down the run button."
  • "I reckon that Rambi the rhino could break open just about any hidden entrance."
  • "If you bounce a keg off a wall and then jump on it as it rolls back, you can ride it!"
  • "If you roll attack a baddie, your speed increases when you hit the next one!"
  • "I was told that if you bounce on eight consecutive baddies, you'll get an extra life."
  • "I heard that Expresso the ostrich can't jump on baddies. I guess his legs are too thin."
  • "If you see a barrel with stars on it, break it open! It's a mid point marker."
  • "Find Candy and she can save your game for you!"
  • "Funky can send you anywhere you've already been on the island, in a flash!"
  • "Look out for disguised holes on the ground and jump on them from a great height"
  • "Look out for banana arrows, they'll point the way! Of course, I wouldn't need them!"
  • "If you find any bananas, you can be sure the Kremlings have been there before you!"
  • "If you find any barrels with DK on them, smash them open! Your buddy might be inside!"
  • "Grab any extra life balloons quickly, before they float away!"

Barrel Tips

  • "Floating barrels will break as soon as you touch them."
  • "Steel ringed barrels break only when they hit a wall."
  • "Steel kegs are indestructible, follow them and they'll mow down all baddies in their path!"
  • "Hold the run button down and jump on baddies to gain extra spring to your leaps!"
  • "Bounce on the fixed tires to hurdle obstacles and reach bonuses!"
  • "Push the free tires to areas where they will help you find hidden bonus levels.

Baddie Tips

  • "Klaptrap's teeth are too big to use the roll attack! You need to jump on him!"
  • "Zingers sport spikes on their backs! You can't jump on them unless you're riding Winky!"
  • "Klump's hard hat protects him against your jump attack. You'll have to roll him!"
  • "Krusha is the toughest Kremling-- only a barrel will knock him out!"
  • "You can roll over Slippa, or just squash him with a jump attack!"
  • "Gnawty the beaver can be rolled or jumped on!"


  • "You kids today! You don't have any respect for your elders!"
  • "We never had movement like this when I was in video games!"
  • "All this fun can't be good for you!"
  • "I bet they wasted half the memory already, just on this section alone!"
  • "They can't keep this level of graphics up for much longer!"
  • "We used to be lucky if we got three shades of gray, let alone any real colors!"
  • "We used to have to survive with a two frame walk!"
  • "Sometimes our sprites used to change size for no apparent reason!"
  • "We never had any of this fancy 3-D stuff! Oh no, we had to survive on what we had!"
  • "And what little we did have, we were happy with!"
  • "Well, I've never seen anything like it!"
  • "Enjoy this demo while you can, it can't last much longer!"
  • "That's right, 4 shades of gray, in a 2x2 character block, that's all we had..."
  • "I can't play this game, the colors are all too rich for my poor old eyes!"
  • "Why, even the bananas have more frames and colors than I had in the entire game!"
  • "Look!...look at this! I rock, my beard swings! Waste of frames in my opinion!"
  • "Aye! That was when we had real game play, that was!"
  • "And this was developed with the latest state-of-the-art 3D workthingys, was it?"
  • "The trouble with you kids, is that you're all too soft!"
  • "The old games were far harder when I was a young 'un!"
  • "We used to play for hours on a single screen game and think we were lucky, and we were!"
  • "You wouldn't last two minutes in a real game!"
  • "I could get through D.K.Country with only one life, easy!"
  • "I'm talking about when games were games!"
  • "3 lives and 3 continues, that's all we had!"
  • "Games never looked like this when I was a lad!"
  • "And we were much better off in those days as well."
  • "Bet you thought this was 64-bit eh, boy?!"
  • "I've got more game play in my little finger than you've got in this whole game!"
  • "Y'know what they say, all graphics and no game play!"
  • "32 meg..? That would be more than 30 games in my day, and they'd be great games, too!"
  • "Back in my days, we used to have real game play..."
  • "You know what's even worse? When you get to the end, and then have to start again!"
  • "You wouldn't know a good game if you were in it!"
  • "A single joystick, and a single button is all that's needed to make good game play!"
  • "I wouldn't be seen dead in a game like this one!"
  • "I say you can't better the graphics, sounds and playability of a Game & Watch!"
  • "So you're back again! I knew a punk kid like you couldn't do the job..."
  • "That was quick. You didn't leave me enough time to think of any other stupid comments!"
  • "I don't know why I'm telling you all this, you didn't listen last time!"
  • "You have to do better than that!"
  • "You only just left!"
  • "Back again?! That was quick!"
  • "Came back to the master for more advice, hunh?!"
  • "Still got you beat, hunh?!"
  • "Yup! Don't make game players like they used to!"
  • "Okay, I'll do the level for you!... Naw!.. Only kidding!"
  • "I don't know how you dare show your face in here again, after that pitiful performance!"

Parting Comments

  • "That's all folks! There's nothing more I can tell you."
  • "You know all you need to know, for now."
  • "Come back and see me sometime, I'll be here!"
  • "I don't know any more than that at the moment."
  • "That's all there is to it. Piece of cake if you ask me."
  • "So long, suckers! Try not to hurt yourself out there!"
  • "That's all the advice old Cranky here can give you."
  • "I'm getting tired, I gotta take me a nap!"
  • "You practically know more than I do, now. Well... almost."
  • "I don't have anything else to tell you right now, maybe later."
  • "I could sit here and rock all day, especially if you two leave me alone!"
  • "I gotta go now, I'll see you guys later... if you're lucky!"
  • "Well, that's about the size of it!"
  • "Say, is that the time? I gotta fly."
  • "I could tell you yarns about the old days all day long!"
  • "Y'all come back now, hear?!"
  • "If you get stuck, come back and see me."
  • "Can't say I expect to see you again, but you might get lucky, I guess."
  • "It's been nice talking to you guys."
  • "Eh sonny? Speak up, I can't hear you!"
  • "Donkey Kong, I've seen enough! That tie-- turn it off!"
  • "This stereo sound is making my tired old ears bleed! Turn it down before you go!"
  • "All this game play is too much for me."
  • "I'm back to my cabin for a nap! Remember the original Donkey Kong? Think I'll go play that... see you later!"
  • "There's too many baddies around for my liking..."
  • "I'm off to lie down!"
  • "I'd ask you in, but they didn't have any memory left to display the cabin interior!"
  • "Now, off you go!! See if you can't finish this ridiculous quest without my help!"
  • "Make sure to shut the gate on your way out. I didn't raise you in a barn!"
  • "See ya later, alligator! Ha! Ha!"
  • "After a while, crocodile!"

Final Comments

  • "Well done Donkey my boy! Who'd have thought a young whippersnapper like you could've beaten that bunch of no good Kremlings? You've made an old man proud! Go and look in your hoard, I think you'll be in for a surprise!"
  • "If I had been playing, I'd have found everything!"
  • "I'm sure there must be some bonus rooms you haven't found!"

Full Completion Comments

  • "What a player you are, Donkey my lad! You've beaten the Kremlings, and found absolutely everything! You're nearly as good as I used to be!"

Team Comments

  • "Congratulations Red Team!"
  • "Congratulations Yellow Team!"
  • "You whupped those crafty crocodiles and are first past the post!"
  • "Whatever happened to the Yellow Team? I guess those guys need more practice!"
  • "Whatever happened to the Red Team? I guess those guys need more practice!"
  • "Well, well, well, if it isn't the Red Team! What happened to you two?"
  • "Well, well, well, if it isn't the Yellow Team! What happened to you two?"
  • "The Yellow Team finished ages ago! Too good for you were they, huh?"
  • "The Red Team finished ages ago! Too good for you were they, huh?"

Manual commentary

  • "Look at the fancy box. Look at the size of this instruction manual. You don't think they would have gone to all this trouble of [sic] the game was any good, do you?!"
  • "You're only reading this because you're bored!"
  • "I wouldn't believe a word of this! I've been everywhere and I found only two locations, bad ones at that!"
  • "I can't believe you're still reading this! What you need is a good trashing!"
  • "Bonus Levels? Ha! Don't hold your breath looking for these, there are none."
  • "Tired of me? You're lucky I'm here to brighten up this boring manual!"
  • "Err... Nope! None of these baddies are in! They must have slipped in the wrong instruction manual or something!"
  • "Does anyone ever actually use these memo pages? Waste of paper if you ask me!"
  • "Copy?! Who'd want to copy this game?"

Boss defeats

  • "I can't believe it. You trampled all over Gnawty."
  • "Give me that giant banana. I will take care of it for you."
  • "Come on, get going. You can't rest yet.!"

  • "You sure showed that stupid bird who's boss."
  • "Good, that's another banana back."
  • "Now go down to Vine Valley and find the others."

  • "Well, you told him to buzz off. You looked in trouble for a while."
  • "Come on, hand it over. I will take that banana for you."
  • "Make sure you wrap uo warm. I have got a feeling you'll need to.."

  • "Are my old eyes playing tricks? I'm sure I have see that beaver before. Where could it have been?"
  • "Grab the banana and give to me."
  • "Head down the mountain to the factory."

  • "Oh dear! Call that tin can a boss?"
  • "Surely K. Rool can come up with better than that, maybe a bucket or perphaps a really nasty fridge!"
  • "Come on, you are nearly there now."
  • "Just Chimp Caverns to go."

  • "It's just like the old days, reusing the boss, changing it's color and pretending it is completetely new."
  • "That's it, only K. Rool left to beat, Come on, lets go and kick his scaly butt!"

  • "This sea air is doing me no good at all!"
  • "I'm too old for this."
  • "See ya!"
  • "Call that an ending?"
  • "Looks like a cheap stunt setting up the story for the squel!"

Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest

Story Intro

  • "Well, well... What do you think you're doing siting around all day?"
  • "They won't get much of a game out of this, will they? I thought you were supposed to be a big star!"
  • "I didn't! Whisking off maidens and chucking barrels, seven days a week I was!"
  • "That's how I got where I am tody, you know. Hard word. There was none of this lazin' around on a beach!"
  • "Hah! He's off somewhere with that girlfriend of his. But still, I can see when I'm not wanted..."

  • "Look, a note!"
  • "Give me a chance! I'm not as quick as I used to be. It says:"

  • "Well, I suppose we'd better give him the bananas. Hadn't we?"
  • "Arrrrgh! This story's even worse that Donkey Kong Country's."
  • "They're really scraping the bottom of the barrel this time!"
  • "Have you any ideas how to get DK back?"
  • "I'm sure as spit not gonna do it, not that I'm past my prime, mind you."
  • "I could still do a better job than the rest of you put together."
  • "But I wouldn't be seen dead in a game that scrolls and has bonus levels and end bosses!"
  • "We will meet you there. Come and see us if you need any help!"

Entering his museum

  • "Say hello to your old grandpappy Cranky. I'm back by popular demand to offer my wealth of gameplay wisdom for this unnecessary sequel."

  • "What sort of name is Dixie anyway? In my day, you were lucky to have a name ot all!"
  • "I'd sort out old K. Rool for you real quick, but I'd be spoiling the limited fun you're trying to get out of this shoddy product!"
  • "I don't even get two screens to stand in! I'm sure K. Rool will have two, so why can't I? Pah!"
  • "Look at all this junk in here! Treat my home like a trash can they do! No respect for their elders, that's the trouble..."
  • "Haven't sold a single thing in weeks! If this junk was out of one of my games, the customers would be begging to get in!"
  • "Where's Expresso? A clumsy spider and a fat parrot, is that the best they can think of?"
  • "Girl heroes in video games, pah. I can't believe it! The main character should be really muscle-bound and carry a gun, not twirl their hair round!"
  • "Need more help do we? Pah! If tell you much more, I might as wall play the game for you!"
  • "Don't you ever knock? I know you're desperate for help, but remember your manners next time!"
  • "I knew it! You've come to beg for my help again, haven't you! Well, I'm not going to tell you anything this time!"
  • "Come on in! Have yourselves a look 'round and buy some of this trash, why don't you?"
  • "I'll box your ears if you don't listen this time!"
  • "Back so soon? I thought you'd complete at least another level before you came crying to me!"
  • "See, you're back again! Evebody like old Cranky. I bet my ugly, old wife doesn't get half as many visits!"
  • "You think your fancy graphics and sound will work again! I think not. You'll be lucky to sell 10 copies this time!"
  • "Have you been to see the other members of the Kong family? They're not as useful as me of course, but they might be able to help."
  • "You're looking a bit fat there, kid! Look at me, I'm at my physical peak. I could show you a thing or two!"
  • "Oh, it's you again. I thought it might be a real video game hero..."
  • "K. Rool is gonna whup your hides this time, whippersnappers! I'd better take over before you embarrass yourselves!"
  • "For just five bucks, you can buy my memoirs. What a dynamic and exciting life I've led. You'll be lucky to star in half as many games as I been."
  • "Shouldn't Dixie just be a token female princess waiting to be rescued, instead of a main character?"
  • "Team up? I've never heard such rubbish in my life! When I played, I was on my own. I had no fancy backup!"
  • "I hate being stuck in this shabby barrel. I want to sit outside like last time!"
  • "Give up now before the kids realize you're not as popular as Donkey Kong was!"
  • "Just 'cos DKC sold few lousy copies, I have to be included in another ludicrous adventure! It's the last time, I tell you!"
  • "I'd have collected far more tokens than that by now! What's wrong, got holes in your pockets?"
  • "Diddy, I thought you were a cheap character in DKC, but Dixie's even worse! It should be me on my own, that it should!"
  • "Surprise, surprise. Well if it isn't the so called video game heroes! I hope I'm getting paid for all my help!"
  • "Howdy, young 'uns! Gather round and I'll give you some much needed advice!"
  • "You spend as much time in here as I do!"
  • "Look! They've even taken my chair from me. It's disgusting how they treat old video game heroes these days..."
  • "After my starring role in DKC, I thought I'd be the main character this time, not stuck in this gloomy shed!"
  • "I bet this here Killer Instinct game is rubbish too! It hasn't got me in it, so it must be!"
  • "I was hoping for more frames this time, but no! Don't let old Cranky do anything. Just give him some third rate stand frames!"
  • "I don't know why I help you so much. you don't appreciate me!"

  • "O.K., which of these would you like?"
  • "Take a look at this lot!"
  • "Here's a fraction of my enviable knowledge!"
  • "Go ahead, test my amazing knowledge!"
  • "I can recommend the really expensive ones, actually."
  • "Enough talk, let's see your tokens!"
  • "Pick a subject! I know everything about this game!"
  • "I reckon you should spend all your tokens here."
  • "Gaze in awe, as you appreciate my knowledge!"
  • "Feast yer eyes on my menu!"
  • "What do you want this time?"
  • "This stuff is cheap at half the price!"
  • "Here's what I've got to offer."

No coins

  • "You must be joking! You'l never have enough for that!"
  • "It's not a charity! I want more tokens for this!"
  • "Find some more tokens, you useless monkey!"
  • "You'll have to play better to buy that, sonny!"
  • "You'd better stick to the free ones, whippersnapper."
  • "Not enough? Well, get lost then."
  • "Hey! If you ain't got any tokens, you can buzz off!"
  • "That's not enough. I've got ney frames to pay for y'know!"
  • "Keep yer grubby hands off if you can't afford it!"
  • "My knowledge doesn't come that cheap!"
  • "You ain't got enough tokens for that, cheapskate!"
  • "I'm not giving this stuff away you know!"
  • "That one is too good for you."

Leaving the museum

  • "That's enough help for now. I need some rest."
  • "Now, go and sort out those stupid crocodiles!"
  • "I gotta go now, my wife is visiting any moment!"
  • "Yawn! I'm getting tired. Go away and don't disturb me again!"
  • "Now, buzz off and let me work on my new game design."
  • "Guess I'd better tidy this miserable dump up a bit."
  • "It should be real easy for you now!"
  • "I'm off to spend my tokens!"
  • "When you need more advice, which you will, I might help again, if you're lucky."
  • "Don't be surprised if I'm gone next time. I'll be in a real game!"
  • "Time for a couple of games on this here Killer Instinct."
  • "Even you can finish this silly game now!"
  • "Remember, I'm the most useful of the Kongs, and the cheapest!"
  • "Don't come back without a sackful of tokens!"

First victory

  • "I knew you'd do it, Diddy m'boy, but how could you fail having learned all you know from old Cranky here?"
  • "Well done, Diddy, m'boy! Who'd have known you'd be able to rescue that lazy grandson of mine and dump K. Rool in his own filthy swamp? Not bad for a novice! Of course, if I'd have been playing, I'd have made sure that K. Rool never tries a cheap trick like this again!"
  • "I reckon I'd found all the Kremkoins and completed the so called 'Lost World'. Oh well, can't expect everything from our first game, can we?"
  • "One more thing, how many of my special Video Game Hero Coins did you find? A real player, such as myself, would have found plent I'm sure."
  • "Let's see how well you did, eh?"

  • "Well, I've got a second screen, and it's about time too. Now, shut up everyone while I read the eagarly awaited results of my prestigious Video Game Hero Awards...."
  • "Hmmm... Not too good at finding my coins, are you, sonny? You might be a hero, but you've got a lot of catching up to do, yes siree!"
  • "If you want to look at your limited progress on this screen, press the left and right buttons while you are on any of the map screens."
  • "Now buzz off and see if you can find some more of my coins, which I very much doubt you will."

  • "Hey! What are you waiting for? There's no secret stuff hidden here, sonny!"
  • "There is, however, a couple of special options on the game selection screen though I'm sure they're of little use."
  • "To find these silly options, press down lots of times, but if I were you, I wouldn't bother."
  • "Now, go ahead and switch that cartridge off, so I could get some sleep! I reckon I've earned it!"

Lost World

  • "Well, well, well, if it isn't our trainee hero! I didn't expect you to find this place, sonny. You must have got luck. Now that you're here, I'd better tell you about it."
  • "This here's the Kremling's 'LOST WORLD', and that big crocodile head in the middle is where you need to get to if you're going to finish this silly game properly."
  • "But to get there, you have to beat Kaptain K. Rool and complete all the bonus levels as well, a task I'm sure is well beyond a whippersnapper like you!"
  • "I don't know why I'm doing this, but here are some ridiculous cheap hints for this world, which I'm sure you'll be needing as well."

Last victory

  • "N-n-nice going k-kid! I-I reckon only a t-t-true video g-game hero would h-have f-f-finished it all!"
  • "L-let's get out of t-this miserable d-dump, and g-get back t-t-to D-Donkey K-K-Kong Island!"

  • "Back to see me again, eh, sonny? Let's see if you've improved your hero status, shall we?"
  • "Nope! You ain't improved any since your last visit. Stop wasting time here and find my coins, you useless bums!"
  • "I'm not afraid to admit it, Diddy m'boy. Even I'm wrong occasionally. You're as big a hero as they come. You must take after me and Donkey. Well Done!"

Donkey Kong Country 3

First Meeting

  • "So you've reached the bonus game then, have you?"
  • "It's not a simple game of questions and answers this time though!"
  • "Now you've got to beat yours truly if you want to win any prizes!"

Entering the tent

  • "I hope you like red, 'cause that's what your face is going to be soon!"


  • "Look at this! It's my eight ball air juggle! A real killer, isn't it?"


  • "You fraudster! I'm off to consult my lawyers about this!"
  • "Get out of my tent now, you cheeky ape!! Wait till I tell your parents."
  • "Hey hey, you cheeky monkey! Have this as a bonus prize!"


  • "A draw, eh? It's the closest you'll ever get to winning a game!!"
  • "Get some tokens and try again, you knucklehead."
  • "You appreciate, of course, the real terms I was the actual winner!"

Kastle KAOS

Donkey Kong Country (animated series)

  • "What am I doing here? I could ask you what you're doing here, all of you! But I know - wrecking my vacation, that's what! First bees, then ants, now you and those overstuffed alligators are the icing on the cake!"


Cranky: Business? You've got no business going into business! You'll lose your shirt!
DK: That's OK. I don't wear a shirt.
Cranky: Then you'll lose your tie.

Cranky: You're supposed to be at my place keeping an eye on the Crystal Coconut!
DK: Don't worry, Cranky, I took it for safe keeping. It's right over... Uh oh! It was right here a minute ago!
Cranky: Safe keeping, eh?

Cranky: Stop moving ya moron! I'm taking an X-ray of the inside of your head.
Funky: Cool! I'll take an 8x7 and 3 wallet size!
Cranky: The brain's already wallet size.

Cranky: [Bluster] thought we were talking about him and not the X-Ray machine, and now he's trying to weasel his way into the history book by killing all of us with his good deeds. Fat chance.
Diddy: How do we make him stop?
Cranky: With the cherry soda! Right there on the shelf, next to the Super-Sonic Vitapunch pack.
DK: Cherry soda?
Cranky: He thinks he has a fatal disease?
DK: Yeah.
Cranky: All we have to do is convince him that this cherry soda is some new miracle drug that will cure him.
Diddy: Cherry soda's a miracle drug?
Cranky: Of course not! But he'll think so and stop trying to destroy Kongo Bongo by being a hero. Besides, I've been trying to unload that stuff for ages.

Bluster: The BarrelCopter! Mummy'll be livid!
Cranky: Tell her to take a number; I was livid first!
Candy: What about me?
Bluster: What about you?
Candy: I'm livid!
Cranky: You can be livid later; now get this thing out of my house!

Cranky: "Who built the ancient and mysterious temple of Inca Dinka Du?" Now why do you knuckleheads suppose it's called mysterious?
DK: We don't know?
Cranky: Exactly! It's a mystery! No one knows who built it! The end!

DK: It's an invasion!
DK and Diddy: They're gonna zomibify us!
Cranky: I'll smackify the both of ya unless you knock off the Science-Fictional nonsense.


DK: Do your zombie worst! No interplanetary visitor dude mind vibe can control my mind!
Cranky: No kidding! They'll never be able to find it!

Donkey Kong 64

  • "I could defeat him single-handedly of course, but then you wouldn't have a game to play would you?"
  • "I knew they'd have to have something like this. The Kongs will be so weighed down with all the garbage they have to collect, I can't see them getting past the second level. You can view all this silly nonsense and some other stuff I don't understand by pressing START during your game."
  • "Now where did they put the level I designed? Hmm... I can't seem to find it. It was called the 'Great Girder Grapple' as I remember. Oooh, I must have spent at least 3 minutes working on it. I even drew them a fancy little picture. Bah! It must have been too good for them. The kids would have refused to play their fancy 3-D levels once they'd gotten a taste of my 2-D girder action! Don't give up hope though; they might have hidden it somewhere like a priceless gem, hoping that no one will ever find it..."
  • "Elsewhere [in Gloomy Galleon], you'll find a hulking structure that's a bit dim and doesn't work. Yes, I know you already know about Chunky, but this is also true of a eerie lighthouse. Let's see if you can get them both working and be of some use."
  • "Tough luck kid. I've been told to keep my mouth shut, as they want to keep all the good stuff for a money-making strategy guide. I'm sure some of it will appear on the newfangled 'internet' thing as well, so I suggest you take a look-see there. You could also ask your friends, assuming of course you've got any. If all else fails, you'll just have to play better."
  • "Troff's a pig, Scoff's a hippo, and both are big, slow, and useless."
  • "The best switch is the one on top of your N64, as you can turn off your silly 3-D adventure and let me get some sleep."
  • "Funky stocks the following shooters, all of which can hopefully be upgraded, if you can get that far into the game without falling asleep."
  • "I can't be bothered to tell you any more [about Snide], so you'll have to ask him what he's doing in this game when you meet him."
  • "[DK is] the leader of this mangy bunch and tells me that he has learned a whole new bunch of 'mean, reptile-stomping' moves. I doubt whether they will be any better than his old ones, but we shall see, shan't we?"
  • "[Diddy is] quick, nimble and courageous but still a bit of a lightweight when compared to my fine physique. He's also got this new-fangled thing he calls a Jetbarrel, but it sounds like nothing more than a lot of hot air to me."
  • "Tiny can also shrink in size--although I reckon that one's nothing more than a marketing gimmick and won't even be in the game!"
  • "Those silly stretchy arms give [Lanky] plenty of potential, but I'm sure he'll be too busy clowning around to be of much use."
  • "Just remember that we rightfully expect our expertise to be rewarded, so do collect a good haul of Banana Bunch Coins before you even think about disturbing me, won't you?"
  • "My powerful potions will give you abilities you've never dreamed of and certainly don't deserve, assuming of course you can afford my modest asking fee. Now don't you go asking me for a potion of gameplay, as even my genius can't rescue this game from its rightful destiny in the bargain bin."
  • "Also found in the level lobbies, the information concealed behind these [Wrinkly doors] should be used as a last resort only. (Or as a first resort if you are a really poor player.)"

Diddy Kong Pilot (2003 build)

  • "Well, well... I didn't think you had it in you, but you actually proved you could do it..."
  • "The Boss Race is now ready to try... Select that Kremlings' ugly face from the Cups screen and show 'em what we're made of..."
  • "This is time to teach that stupid Kremling a lesson. Go out and show him who's boss..."
  • "Don't even think about coming back 'till you've beaten him."
  • "That wasn't too difficult was it? Get on and race the rest of them, nothing is going to happen until you beat all four"
  • "Let's see how good you are. I've left six coins on each track and you need to collect them all and still beat me in a race..."
  • "Think you are up for it? You don't stand a chance."
  • "Before we start, lets get a few things straight.... You are racing for the pride of Team Kong, don't let us down..."
  • "I did not suffer those interminable amounts of monotonous gameplay for you to blow it all now. Each cup is made of four races."
  • "If you win, then you need to go head to head against a Kremling to show them who's boss..."
  • "Look out for the Target Balloons... Shoot them and a secret boost will appear... fly right through it and something special will happen..."
  • Think you can handle it? I very much doubt it."
  • Pah! That's enough of that! My boys are going to start taking this seriously now... Enough of this impendence..."